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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23054338">look at me, please</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/racetrackshiggins/pseuds/racetrackshiggins'>racetrackshiggins</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>another fix-it fic [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Getting Together, M/M, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Minor Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:29:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,813</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23054338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/racetrackshiggins/pseuds/racetrackshiggins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They wheel Eddie into surgery, and the rest of the Losers Club stand tensely in the waiting room. They're all exhausted and covered in grime and dried blood. It's disgusting and probably disturbing to everyone else there, but Eddie is their priority.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>another fix-it fic [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659994</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>it's been six months since i saw ch 2 for the first time, and i'm still not over the clown series</p>
<p>all my love to beth, casey, and mony for their support!!! &lt;3</p>
<p>emetophobia cw for the last line</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Eddie's smile is infectious, and Richie can't breathe, can't focus on anything other than the man hovering over him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck, he's so gorgeous, and so brave, and Richie wants nothing more than to grab him and pull him into a kiss, press their bodies together, hold him close like he's thought about since he was thirteen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he hears the sound of skin splitting apart, the tearing of muscle, and Eddie's smile falls. Richie grows cold as he looks down and sees one of It's disgusting spider legs sticking out of Eddie's chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie whispers his name, his voice uncharacteristically meek, as if he doesn't understand what's happening. Richie inhales sharply then reaches out for him, but It flings him across the cave. It's laughter echoes around the room, and the other losers scream out in horror, but Richie barely registers it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He scrambles to Eddie's side where he fell and just... stands there for a moment, not processing what happened. He sees Eddie lying there, coughing up blood and a gaping wound in the middle of his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, Richie can move and crouches next to him, tugging off his jacket to press it against Eddie's chest in the hope of stopping the bleeding. Eddie looks back and forth between Mike and Richie as he tells them about choking the leper. The rest of the group keep talking, but all Richie can focus on Eddie, who's now looking back at him, and only him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They come up with their plan and Richie helps Eddie walk before they stop to sit against a rock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie says he needs to tell him something, and Richie is just so relieved he’s alert, talking, alive, he’s so unprepared for what he hears next.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I fucked your mom."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie tries to laugh at his own joke but ends up coughing, and Richie has no fucking clue how to respond to any of that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie clutches Richie’s hand on top of the jacket he’s still holding against the wound. His grip is weak, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly yelling fills the cavern. Not Pennywise’s taunting voice or maniacal laughter, but their friends screaming, just—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roasting the fuck out of It.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Richie joins in. He yells insults at this goddamn clown along with his friends, channeling all his anger (and fear) into the most scathing insults he can think of at the moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Truth be told, they aren’t very good, but their combined yelling is working somehow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Richie feels Eddie’s chest heave before he grits out, “So fucking weak, couldn’t kill me, even after you stabbed me and threw me across this cave. Which is fucking disgusting, by the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And in that moment, Richie falls in love with him all over again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pennywise shrinks and the others back him against the wall next to Richie and Eddie. It shrivels pathetically, insisting It’s the “eater of worlds” or some bullshit like that. Richie grabs the creature’s spider claw and rips it off in retaliation for stabbing Eddie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re all still insulting It, Eddie included, as Mike reaches down to rip It’s heart out. All of them take the heart and squeeze it then tear it apart, and Pennywise disintegrates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The six of them collectively take a breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then the cave starts to fall apart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie and Bill support Eddie as they leave Neibolt, just like they did twenty-seven years ago. The house collapses behind them, signifying the end of this nightmare.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, part of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly calls 911 as Richie and Bill lower Eddie to the ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In any other circumstance, and Richie can almost hear his voice, Eddie would undoubtedly be complaining about how unsanitary this is, how this put him at risk for an infection or whatever the fuck else he worries about. Richie would give anything to hear that now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But instead, Eddie stays silent, his eyes closed, almost deathly still. It's utterly terrifying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Panic sets in, so Richie shakes him gently. "Look at me. Eddie, look at me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A memory hits of him doing the same thing all those years ago, Eddie cradling his broken arm as Pennywise advanced on them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snaps back to the present when he hears Eddie take a ragged breath, and relief floods through his body from knowing Eddie is still alive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did we... is It—"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, It's gone. It's over, Eds."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The corner of Eddie’s mouth quirks upward before his eyes flutter closed again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, please. Just open your eyes.” This time though, Richie can't wake him. “Fuck, don’t leave me.” The only things stopping Richie from completely breaking down are Eddie's faint breathing and Beverly's assurances that they're going to get him to the hospital; that Eddie will be okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(He's not sure if he believes her completely, but he appreciates it nonetheless.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sound of sirens reach his ears as the ambulance pulls up next to them. At first, Richie refuses to let go of Eddie's hand, until the paramedic scolds him. He reluctantly does, but stays at Eddie's side for the entire drive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If something happens (if he loses him)—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He won't let Eddie be alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They wheel Eddie into surgery, and the rest of the Losers Club stand tensely in the waiting room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They're all exhausted and covered in grime and dried blood. It's disgusting and probably disturbing to everyone else there, but Eddie is their priority. Someone comes up to Richie, trying to examine him for injuries, but he isn’t having it. The only person that matters is Eddie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What the fuck are you standing around here for, huh?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Richie—" There's a hand on his shoulder he knocks off almost immediately. He whirls around and sees Ben holding up his hands apologetically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't 'Richie' me! He could be dying in there, man! And these assholes are just fucking around when they should be helping him!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sir, you need to calm down."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"'Calm down'? That's my—"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cuts himself off before he reveals too much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Though he supposes the Losers already know; or at least if they hadn't before, they have to now. How could they not?)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Our friend needs help, so fucking help him!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Richie honey," Beverly links her arm in his. "Come sit with me for a moment."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie grits his teeth but does, sinking down into a chair next to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as he sits down, he realizes how exhausted he is, both physically and mentally. Richie collapses with his elbows on his thighs and his head in his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck." His voice comes out hoarse, from yelling at the clown and the hospital staff, or just his overwhelming emotions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Probably both.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly doesn't say anything, only rests her head on his shoulder, keeping their arms linked together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie knows his body's shaking with the sobs he's trying desperately to suppress.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(He's failing miserably though.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Time passes slowly as they wait for any news. Over the many, long, torturous hours, the five of them have barely moved from their corner of the waiting room, most of the other people giving them a wide berth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly shifts to lean against Ben's really fucking broad and toned chest (and Richie still isn't used to that change honestly) as she continues holding Richie's hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He clutches hers back; it's the only thing grounding him right now, so he's not fucking letting go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben has an arm tossed over Beverly's shoulders as if it;s the most natural thing in the world.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It probably is for them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bill's leg is bouncing, a nervous tic, and Richie can tell he's about to snap at him to stop, but Mike steps in, casually resting a hand on Bill's thigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They look at each other, not saying a word, but Bill calms down, relaxes slightly, then covers Mike's hand with his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie wants to be happy for all of them — and of course on some level he is — but jealousy consumes him. It's not fucking fair the others have found each other again and have the chance to be happy together while the love of Richie's life got impaled saving Richie's dumb ass, and is getting cut up even further in the hope of saving him,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or he could be dead already.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck, he can't handle this, can't fucking breathe, can't think of anything other than Eddie hovering over him, blood spattering everywhere, pouring out of his mouth—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blood that's soaked into Richie's shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He vaults out of the chair and practically sprints to the closest trash can and throws up. He’s still dry-heaving into the trash can when a nurse comes up and tells them the news that Eddie’s out of surgery.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The chair next to Eddie’s bed is shitty but Richie doesn’t care; it’s the least of his concerns right now.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>beth, mony, and kris, thanks for your help!! y'all are the best and i love you</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The chair next to Eddie’s bed is shitty but Richie doesn’t care; it’s the least of his concerns right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie takes a few minutes to listen to Eddie’s quiet breathing, but he hates the silence, so he just starts talking, not knowing if Eddie can hear any of it, but needing to talk anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We really got it, Eds.” Richie reaches out to rest his hand on Eddie’s as he keeps rambling, just needing the reassurance Eddie’s really there. “And we couldn’t’ve done it without you. You saved me. Don’t think it was worth it, not when you almost died.” He takes a shaky breath. “And fuck, I love you. I’ve wanted to tell you since we were kids, but I’m not brave, not like you. It took almost losing you to get me to say it out loud. And that’s all my fault. If I hadn't—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, Richie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie's head snaps up so fast he almost gets whiplash to see Eddie watching him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course those are his first words after regaining consciousness, and Richie's never been happier to hear them in his life. He laughs in spite of himself, though it comes out as a half sob.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he realizes he's still holding Eddie's hand. He starts to pull away but Eddie holds on. It surprises Richie, but mostly he's just relieved Eddie's awake and gripping his hand in return.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So uh... hey.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie scoffs quietly, then winces. “Fuck, what happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don't remember?” Richie's torn between relief Eddie might not have to remember and momentary jealousy, because Richie knows he won't ever be able to forget a single second. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie furrows his brow in frustration, so Richie squeezes his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don't worry about it, okay Eds? Just focus on healing, yeah? I'm sure you wanna get back to your wife, she's probably missing you.” Richie tries to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach, but can't.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie just ignores what he said (and Richie tells himself not to read too much into that). He looks down and whispers, “Are we gonna forget again? Because I don't want to, Rich. I'm fucking terrified of it, of losing everyone after just getting them back; of losing you.” His chest starts heaving as he wheezes. “Fucking shit.” He reaches for an inhaler that isn't there anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, look at me. We're okay, alright? You aren’t getting rid of me; I plan to annoy the shit outta you for the foreseeable future.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie chuckles softly, a small smile on his face as he calms down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a few moments, Eddie says, “I think I do remember you saying something before I passed out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie suddenly finds it difficult to breathe, and sort of gets why Eddie reached for his inhaler. “Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I heard you say ‘Don’t leave me.’ And just now… you said you love me. Did you mean it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie watches him with wide eyes, panic setting in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he nods slowly anyway; he's done hiding, tired of lying to everyone, letting his fear of being seen win.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing the love of his life impaled over him and almost dying has changed his priorities a bit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm sorry Eds. Not for loving you — never for that — but for making things weird, or making you feel uncomfortable, or—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn't. In fact, I—” Eddie takes a deep breath, his gaze meeting Richie's. "I wish I'd known sooner."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie blinks, not quite processing his words. "Uh, wanna run that by me again?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Richie, I've basically been in love with you since we were twelve.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Richie just—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, he's trying not to cry again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You're serious?” His voice cracks, like he's a fucking teenager again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though to be fair, he's wished to hear those words since then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I'm fucking serious, oh my god. Why would I make that up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I— I don't know. I'm not dreaming this, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are the doctors sure you don't have a concussion or something? They did check, right?” Eddie looks like he’s about to page the nurses to have them do that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m good, Spaghetti, I promise. Just never expected to hear that from you. Now your mom on the other hand—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do you have to be such an asshole?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know that’s what makes you so chuckalicious, Eds.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rather than the usual annoyed response he remembers from all those years ago, Eddie laughs delightedly, totally blindsighting Richie. “Fuck, I really missed you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie grins then squeezes his hand. “Missed you too, Eds.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence fills the room, but unlike earlier, it’s a comfortable one, and Richie doesn’t feel the need to talk for once, content being with the man he loves.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then Eddie breaks the silence. “So where the fuck do we go from here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, traditionally when two people are into each other, they go on a date.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And without hesitation, Eddie replies, “Okay, let’s do it,” surprising Richie once again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he says one of the dumbest things he could at this moment. “What about your wife?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“After my mom died... Myra was familiar so I just— but I was never in love with her. Or anyone but you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Richie just can’t help himself, not when Eddie basically walked right into the joke. “So what you’re telling me is that you married your mom.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not funny asshole.” Eddie says while glaring at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie laughs loudly. “Sensitive topic, got it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(They both know that won’t stop him from bringing it up and making shitty jokes in the future though.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, Richie. Is it a yes?” Eddie looks at him expectantly, then apparently gets annoyed at Richie’s lack of an answer. “Well?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How can I shut up </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> answer at the same time?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fucking hell, Rich, please just answer the question.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. One hundred and ten percent, </span>
  <em>
    <span>babe</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” The pet name slips out, so he tries to pass it off as him being the dick he is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie stares back at him, eyes wide, and Richie considers taking it back until—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You calling me that makes me wanna kiss you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus fuck, you can’t just say something like that, Eds, I’m fragile.” He pauses, then quietly asks, “Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie nods. “If I could get out of this damn bed, it’d already be happening.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without letting go of Eddie’s hand, Richie pushes himself out of the chair hurriedly, almost tripping in the process, and Eddie laughs at him, muttering “so graceful” under his breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s enough space on the bed that Richie can sit down next to him. He rests his free hand on Eddie’s cheek, stroking his cheek bone with his thumb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Eddie turns to press a kiss to his palm, Richie makes a sound like he was punched in the stomach, but in a good way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Does that make any sense? Probably not, but Richie doesn’t give a fuck.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To show you how confident I am, I’m only gonna use one lip,” Richie says in his best Colin Mochrie impression.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the fuck was that? You just ruined it, get away from me.” In contrast to his words, Eddie ends up tugging him closer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Moments later, their lips meet for the first time, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And holy fuck, Richie never wants to do anything else ever again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except Eddie’s still recovering, and Richie’s worried about hurting him. As soon as he’s out of the hospital, Richie intends to pick up where they left off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Richie pulls back, they’re both smiling ridiculously at each other, and Richie swears he’s never been this happy in his life. “God, I love you so fucking much, Eds.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, I love you too, Rich.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few seconds later, there’s a knock at the door, so Richie reluctantly looks away from Eddie to see their friends at the window. Eddie waves them in, and the door swings open. They rush in, surrounding the hospital bed. There are so many tears of relief and careful hugs, and Richie finds himself crying </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>, which is getting fucking ridiculous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Mike’s phone rings, and he stares down at it with shock written all over his face. All of them watch as he answers it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stan?”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so uhhhh sorry for another cliffhanger.  i legitimately did not plan for this to happen, but i just couldn't have eddie survive without bringing stan back too. so i guess this just turned into a series. fuck</p>
<p>come say hi on <a href="http://racetrackshiggins.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!! i also have an <a href="http://transeddiek.tumblr.com/">it side blog</a></p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come say hi on <a href="http://racetrackshiggins.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!! i also have an <a href="http://transeddiek.tumblr.com/">it side blog</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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